A Night to Remember

“Eh, move it, Grandmum,” I said cheerfully as the old woman scooted in between me and the fire.

Muttering to herself, the old woman edged to the side, allowing me to properly warm my feet before the fire.

Travelling on my own wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I had been apprenticed to a shipwright on the other side of the country, and was in the process of making my way to his workshop. Problem was, travel was so boring! I hadn’t met an interesting person in the two weeks I’d been on the road, and was beginning to fear that I’d reach my destination without any sort of adventure.

Popping a caramel out of my pocket, I sucked on it and gazed around the cozy main room of the inn. As if on cue, all of the window shutters flew open with a crash! A gust of wind roared through the room, all but blowing out the fire. The patrons cried out in surprise, while the innkeeper moved his ample girth and set about refastening the shutters.

“What a storm,” commented a woman in a lacy bonnet, “for a night like this one.”

“The spirits are angry,” murmured the grandmum as she drew in the dust by the fireplace.

“The only spirits around here are what he sells,” I quipped, pointing at the innkeeper with a caramel-covered finger.

The old woman watched me incredulously for a few moments. I did my best to ignore her, and sucked on my candy as merrily as I could. But she wouldn’t let up, so finally I looked around and asked, “What’s got your dress in a knot?”

“You don’t believe in them?” she asked, her voice going up as I shrugged, “You don’t believe in the fairies?”

“I believes what I sees, Grandmum,” I replied out of the corner of my mouth, avoiding eye contact with her all the same, “and I’ve never seen the folk of that world. Bogeys, sprites, witches, goblins, and all the rest of the monsters: much as I wish it were otherwise, they don’t exist!”

The rest of the inn had fallen quiet to watch our exchange, and it wasn’t until I looked around that I realized we were the center of attention. Then my gaze fell upon the grandmum, and I realized that she was smiling at me. It was an eerie smile, the way her lips peeled back around her gums and showed off all of her teeth. And her eyes…not milky white, not vacantly blue. They were a dead gray, like a slab in a graveyard.

“You’ll meet three of them before you rest tonight,” she told me, still smiling blindly into my face, “visitors from that world.

“You’re off your nut,” I scolded cheerfully, “-in a minute or two, I’m headed straight up to bed. It’d take the King of Fairies himself and his army of trumpeters to wake me up before sunrise, should anyone want to visit.”

“Actually, you’re wrong,” the innkeeper cut in thickly, “there’s no room here; you’re goin’ to have to find lodgin’s elsewhere.”

I gaped at this, but the large man was adamant. No room meant no room. Frustrated now, I sucked my caramel in mournful silence until the woman in the bonnet mentioned another village not five miles away. “They have an inn,” said she, “which might have room.”

Thanking her, I got up to go. I could still feel the old hag’s blind eyes on my back as I entered the gale outside.

Blimey, but it was a storm! Not a drop of rain to speak of, but dark clouds like mountains filled the sky, and the wind blew strong enough to carry a chap off his feet!

In spite of the clouds, the night was brightly lit by a half-moon. Well, that’s grand, I thought, no magical crescent moons or full moons. Werewolves and fairies…nonsense, all of it! If only it were true…

I had no horse, so my feet were what carried me down the rough road. Along the way, the trees bent almost to the ground, battered by the unceasing wind. I didn’t recognize the part of the country I was in, so when I hit the fork in the road, I didn’t know which path to take.

Then I saw the man standing by the bench. The bench was made of a pale, smooth stone, and set right in between the two roads, exactly where there should have been a sign with directions. The man was standing in front of the bench, and it was his standing that drew my attention. Why would a man stand when he could sit? He wasn’t even looking at the bench, he was just staring at the split between the roads!

Perhaps he would know the way! Approaching him, I called out, “Hello, guv! Some night, eh?”

The man turned towards me. He was an elderly sort of chap, with fancy clothes and a thin face. I could have mistaken him for a king if only he hadn’t worn such dark colors! Blacks and dull reds…not exactly my kind of king!

“-You aren’t lost, are you, child of man?” he asked, his bright eyes taking in my appearance as quickly as I took in his.

“Thing is, I am,” I replied, “and I don’t know which path to take. Could you tell me which one leads to the nearest town?”

“Certainly. It is…” instead of pointing to a road, the man kept watching me, “…but you aren’t all alone, are you?”

“I am, guv. Would you like a caramel?”

“Please.” he took the candy, and I had another one myself. We chewed in silence for a moment before he smiled at me. “You know, you’re a very bright young chap,” his voice sounded like he polished both it and his shoes until they shined, “and I would be greatly saddened if you will not do me the pleasure of having you for dinner.”

The man’s teeth were pointed, and I saw something red and hungry lurking in the corners of his eyes. Before I had time to think, What! A real vampire! my tongue was already coming up with an excuse. “…Well, the thing is, guv, I’d love to dine with you. I’m just really full-” I pretended to belch, “from my meal at that last inn. Phew! They had the loveliest garlic bread there!”

A scowl smote the man’s face. I could see him wrinkling his nose as he replied, “…Garlic, you say?”

“Oh, yeah. I ate more of the stuff than I should have,” I grinned widely, “-but you know what, maybe I could make room for more! What were you saying about dinner?”

“Thank you for the caramel, child of man,” the vampire said quickly, turning and walking down road to the left.

Laughing to myself, I took the right fork. With any luck, I’d chosen the right road and would be at the town before the night was half-spent. All the same, as I observed the half moon playing peekaboo with the clouds, I couldn’t help but think, One down, two to go. Hope I’ve got enough caramel for the others.

The man probably hadn’t been a vampire. I was probably just making a mountain out of a molehill. But still, I found myself glancing over my shoulder. If he hadn’t been a vampire, it was strange that the mention of garlic put him out like that.

I stomped my feet and shook my head, sticking my hands in my pockets and setting off at a brisk trot. The endless hills and fields around me turned into a black forest, and I took the time to snort at myself. Really! Vampires! I heard one grandmum talk about the other world, and my pluck all but died!

Must be the late hour, I mused, glancing up as the moon slid behind the clouds, nothing else out at this time but the creatures-

Something in the brush to my right cracked so suddenly that I stood still. It sounded like a large animal, and I didn’t have a weapon. I hoped that maybe, whatever it was, it would move on if I just stayed still…

The brush snapped again, and a huge, hairy thing crawled out onto the road. It stood up, taller than a man, and turned to face me. I felt my heart leap into my mouth as soon as I laid eyes on its hairy face. It was a wolf, standing on its feet like a man and looking my in the eyes like it meant to ask me the time.

Now I like dogs as much as the next bloke, but wolves are another matter entirely! Still, I’m nothing if not quick with my tongue, so I made the first move.

“-Hullo!” says I, “I seem to have lost my way! I was on my way to the town near here--perhaps you’ve been there--and got mixed up at the crossroads back there! Do you know if this is the right-”

“Oh, you’re on the right track,” the wolf growled, stepping closer. His eyes were blue like a man’s, tinged with red at the edges, and with slit-pupils like a cat’s.

“-Thank you!” I wiped my forehead, trying to pass it off as a gesture of relief rather than one of surprise, “By the by, d’you want a caramel?”

“Why, thank you,” the wolf graciously accepted, and for the second time, I chewed candy with an unusual stranger.

“So, this path leads to the town?” I asked when my teeth were no longer stuck together.

“Mmf-” the wolf replied, wrenching his teeth apart and replying, “-yes, yes it does.”

“You don’t happen to want to eat me, do you?”

“Nah. I had a sheep already tonight, and a bite like yourself wouldn’t do much good for me. That caramel really hit the spot, though.”

“I’m very glad you liked it! And, if you don’t mind me asking, you are a werewolf?”

“Yep.”

“I see.”

“Good for you. I still don’t know how it happened. One day, I’m playing in the bushes, and then something bites me. Then I start growing hair like crazy.”

“I’m very sorry, guv.”

“It’s fine. Not your fault, anyhow.”

We stood there, licking our teeth until the moon came back out from behind the clouds.

“Night’s wearing on,” the wolf observed.

“Yep,” I agreed, “and I’d best be on my way.”

“Put her there-” the wolf extended a shaggy paw.

I shook it, and was surprised by how warm it felt. “Nice to meet you, guv. Take care, now!”

“Same to you, child of man,” he replied, giving my hand a firm shake and then ambling down the road in the direction that I’d come from.

I turned to go, and the wind all but blew me up and down the rough hills until I was out of the black forest.

What a strange night! Was I finally to have an adventure? My disbelief in the bogeys of the other world was quickly crumbling, but I didn’t feel displeased by it. It was more like waking up from a sleep. Vampires, werewolves…it was good that they existed, especially when all you had to do to get around them was threaten them with garlic or offer them candy.

Two down, just one left, I thought just before I saw the graveyard. The half-moon made the headstones and wrought-iron fences glow with a pale light. There appeared to be no one but me about, and yet-

At that very moment, the wind died. I looked around in surprise, and noticed a short man with a sack standing in front of the fence gate.

Here’s my man! Here’s lucky number three! I thought, trotting up to meet him, What a night! What an adventure!

Then I realized that the man wasn’t short at all. He was dead, and the sack in his hands actually appeared to be his own head. Clad in silent, rotting rags, all he did was watch me with empty eye-sockets.

I hailed the corpse with as cheery a voice as I could muster, “Top of the evening, guv! Lovely night to be out and about, eh?”

The corpse said nothing at all.

“Look, I know you’re the third,” I told it as I got closer, “and I’ve got to go through you before I’m to get any rest this night! But I have to say, it’s a pleasure to meet a bloke as old and esteemed as yourself!”

The corpse extended a single, bony finger in my direction. Its mouth did not move, being bound up with a bandage, but I heard a voice as clear as my own speak to me.

“Drop your courtesies. You’re the little skeptic, aren’t you?”

“You could call me that, yes.”

“Seeing is believing,” the stiff taunted me, “have you enough of both, now?”

“No need to be cheeky about it, guv, that’s my job. And I’ve learned my lesson. What you can’t see…might still exist.”

If the thing could have smiled, it would have as it said, “…Good. Then you acknowledge us at last?”

“That I do. Fancy a caramel?”

“...My mouth is tied up with a bandage.”

“Oh, drat the luck! A pity, but I guess I’ll just have yours for you!” I popped the caramel in my mouth. “…You know, I have to ask, guv, what’s it like to be dead?”

“It’s awfully boring. And dusty. You wouldn’t believe the dust.”

I nodded sympathetically.

“And the spiders, those blasted things are annoying. And the fact that I only get called out of my rest every once in a while, just to talk to little ‘blighters’ like you.”

“Do you have to do that a lot?”

“Not often. How does my caramel taste?”

“Mm…” I licked my lips, “scrumptious. You have good taste.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, it’s past my bedtime,” I shrugged, “and I’m afraid I must get on. It’s lovely to have met you!”

“The pleasure is mine, impudent child of man. Don’t let the wind hit you on the way out.”

With that, the wind picked back up and blew me onto my face. I peeled myself off the road, looked up, and saw the corpse no more.

That night was the highlight of my trip to the shipwright. I’d met three creatures of the darkness, and was thrilled to find that they do exist! In fact, I became something of a nut for the supernatural. For the next several weeks, I hardly made any progress in my travels because I couldn’t walk by a haunted house without going in to look for the ghosts. Every legend that people mentioned, I had to investigate!

And, eh, I also took care to keep my pockets stocked with caramels at all times. Just in case.